Purrfectly Amused Gifts

Click bait for cats

'The cats love getting some fresh air, and it's the warmed coat I've ever had.'

"I think I've fixed the intercom. Just remember to speak into the ceiling fan when the doorbell rings."

"I hate it..."

"Mum, please jump up and down . . . I feel like a milkshake."

Romulus and Remus

Conclave.

'What are we having tonight, kitties? Fish, beef or the Bistro special?'

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

There had always been three in the relationship...

'I went with a tour group to Europe, and they dumped me in Spain.'

"Welcome back, Mr. Bigley. Some messages came in for you while you were dead."

"I tied his line around this log, then I tug on it once in awhile. He's gullible, because it's been three hours now."

Turtle chick.

'If there is an unlimited supply of something....mortality is that it make our time finite....I think I'll poop on this guy's head.'

'Actually, I'm more a boy's best friend than man's best friend.'

"First the good news - I found my Rolex from your last operation."

Year of the Seagull: Scarecrow on car's top losing it's battle in chasing gulls away

Hospital patient using his thermometer on the remote control.

'I infected his computer with a nasty virus. That should keep him busy until hunting season is over.'

'First bear in space and still no respect.'

"The Choice is yours, Norman - either we divorce or I have you recycled."

'Amazing, isn't it? It's like she doesn't understand what I'm telling her.'

The Cliff Whites of Dover

"Oh, my family used to be rich alright: my grandfather was not referred to as a "house cat", but as a "grand manor cat"..."

Happy Valentine's Day! My friend is looking for a valentine's day date. She asked me to build her ideal man. She wants him to be tall and smart so I made him with long legs and a big brain. He has great ears so he's a good listener, and an extra funny bone so he has a wonderful sense of humor. Most important, I was very careful when working on his chest. Her ideal man must have his heart in the right place. Will you be my valentine?

"Under the Freedom of Information Act, I'm requesting that you disclose what you have on me in your files."

Cat Thanks.

'You'll ruin that palm if you keep on!'

"I need a wind to go with dinner tonight. What pairs well with dirt?"

"Why do we have to take hard classes like biology?"

So much for the wild blue yonder

-it's for our little grandson...

"Your father used to brag about his belly button being an outie, too. Remember, boasting leads to roasting."

'I tried to finish with him over a month ago, but he just won't take the hint.'