Medically Amused Gifts

"First the good news - I found my Rolex from your last operation."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

PSA Banter.

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

Happy Birthday to you.

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

'Time for your pills.'

'You have an enlarged funny bone.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

"Gross."

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'