Purr-snickety Humorist Gifts

He used to be a cat person, but he went over to the "bark side."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

Glance Exchange

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"It's just a tree."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"How about a hand."

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

'The Lemming Book Store'

"I cross the road to forget."

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

'You can't come in here with that.'

Self Help / Elf Help.

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Please keep in mind this is only a 'ruff' copy.'

'Sit, Rollover, Heel'

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

One Painting Says To the Other... 'Do you ever get that creepy feeling like they are watching you.'