Purgatory Ponderer Gifts

Small-Talk Limbo

Darn it, why do I always pick the slowest line? Hell.

Here in purgatory, you take a standardized test to determine if you get into the afterlife of your choice. P.

Hand baskets only lane in hell.

'At least I'm getting a nice, even tan.'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

'Yak, yak, yak.'

'He's the best sheepdog I ever had.'

"Go ahead. Fly through it. I dare you."

'He's the best bull I've ever had.'

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

...Well I've got to make sure I REALLY like where I am.

'White meat or dark?'

Lost and Profound.

"Well, Mom, I guess you saw what happened."

George Santayana

"Well, it certainly explains why everyone's so nice!"

'I never tire of watching Hippies go by: They're so colourful...'

"He keeps watching over our flock. I think it's a stalker."

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

'I should know who he is! His work is in every gallery I go into.'

"The summer people are coming! The summer people are coming!"

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

Decisions: Yes or No, 'Or maybe?'

Green Pieces Four Leaf Clover

'I think things went wrong for me in the fifth round.' 'In hindsight, was that a good time to begin meditating?'

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

"Your grass looks great."

Bloomin' moths!

Erm...what the hell is cud, anyway?

Democratic Progressivism Is a Dead Letter

Jim's Mowing Services

"Yes, the grass is greener on the other side, but significantly sparser too, so it's a toss-up really...."

"My whole life, …. I've never wanted to be anything other than a psychiatric patient."