Puppy Pupil Gifts

"Just pay attention and you might learn a few new tricks."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"Good boy, what a good boy. You're hired."

'Hey Winston, this is my dad. He's obsessed with sitting.'

"Sure, I pray all the time... English test, Math test, History test...."

"What's all this?"

"Another slander suit!"

"You are going to have lots of puppies."

Balloon dog training

'I try and humour him...it's the only exercise he gets!'

'I hear you can tell how big they will get by the size of their feet.'

"I give you the seven-billion dollar pup, then you give me back the seven-billion-dollar pup."

'Going to Puppy School is so old fashioned Dad: I can do the course through open learning now...'

Rescue dog rejecting potential owners

'Think that pose will work for me? I need to ask my boss for a raise.'

Prodigy - Woofgang Amadeus Mozart.

"Oh my god, you guys, a puppy!"

The Perils of Dog Kisses

"Show some appreciation when he comes home: he spends his days in a small cubicle staring at numbers on the screen. He puts up with a lot in order to feed us."

"Careful with Number Three. I hear she's a tough one to please."

Oculist.

"Talking's ok but to me walking on your hind legs is simply taking anthropomorphism a bit too far."

'I'm still trying to decide if I should join the workforce or get my masters in staying.'

Doggy Peer Pressure

'How can you make eye contact with a puppy and just walk on, like that?'

The nice thing about dogs is they're always satisfied with a pat answer.

"Trust me, catching it isn't that satisfying."

Discipline at Doggy School

Pet Shelter. If you can't decide which dog to adopt, try taking one for a walk. Leash to own!

'I really don't like it when we're listed in alphabetical order: I'm always last...'

'Feed the homeless' - 'I'm a cute puppy'

Books for dogs dealing with life issues.