Puppy Chef Extraordinaire Pillows

"I need some assistance here."

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"Is that all they taught him at obedience school? How to use a can opener?"

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

Dog Food

"Pretty good dog, huh, Larry?"

"We need to put in more bones."

Homemade dog biscuits.

"You're spoiling that dog again!"

'Those tid-bits you left for Ming Toy were delicious, Mrs. Caldwell!'

Recipes.

"For this dish we'll need to sauté the onion with the week-old, moldy, ant-covered French fry over medium heat. Then, we lightly flash boil our dehydrated mouse..."

"So, what's it to be, chicken unfit for human consumption, or beef unfit for human consumption?"

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

"Let's see . . . I detect beef . . . peas . . . and a subtle hint of sweet potato!"

'I'm taking the leftovers home, so suggest something my dog will enjoy.'

'Fruits, vegetables, meat, eggs and cooked beans! He gets a better dinner than I do!'

'To you, it's alphabet soup...to me, it's verbal abuse.'

"What smells so good? -- I'm not cooking for you, but for my dog."

"As a dog he's incredible. As a chef he's just okay."

Dog Food: Lick & Collect

'It's the Animal Welfare people about you feeding leftovers to the dog!'

"The vet said if he's not eating I should warm up his dog food a little.'

"Your 'presentation' could use some work."

'See what happens when you let him cook.'

"Generally I recommend chuck, but since your collie has a pedigree...sirloin."

'Let's see... that's one 'last week's leftovers' and two 'third grader's homework', right?'

Cooking shows for dogs

'Patience. Gentle mixing awakens the delicate flavors and presents far more agreeably than straight-out-of-the-can.'

"If we list it now, you could be eating filet mignon every night for the rest of your life!"

'Feeding dog food to dogs is NOT ethnic stereotyping!'

'I hope your 'kittycat gourmet delight' tastes better than my 'doggy sirloin supreme!''