Puppy Chef Extraordinaire Gifts

"I need some assistance here."

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"Is that all they taught him at obedience school? How to use a can opener?"

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

Dog Food

"Pretty good dog, huh, Larry?"

"We need to put in more bones."

Homemade dog biscuits.

"You're spoiling that dog again!"

'Those tid-bits you left for Ming Toy were delicious, Mrs. Caldwell!'

Dog Food Pyramid. Meat. Scraps.

Recipes.

"So, what's it to be, chicken unfit for human consumption, or beef unfit for human consumption?"

"For this dish we'll need to sauté the onion with the week-old, moldy, ant-covered French fry over medium heat. Then, we lightly flash boil our dehydrated mouse..."

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

"Let's see . . . I detect beef . . . peas . . . and a subtle hint of sweet potato!"

'I'm taking the leftovers home, so suggest something my dog will enjoy.'

'Fruits, vegetables, meat, eggs and cooked beans! He gets a better dinner than I do!'

"What smells so good? -- I'm not cooking for you, but for my dog."

"As a dog he's incredible. As a chef he's just okay."

'To you, it's alphabet soup...to me, it's verbal abuse.'

Dog Food: Lick & Collect

"The vet said if he's not eating I should warm up his dog food a little.'

'It's the Animal Welfare people about you feeding leftovers to the dog!'

'See what happens when you let him cook.'

"Your 'presentation' could use some work."

No caption. (Dog delivery man delivers a box labeled "Scraps" to dog customer.)

"Generally I recommend chuck, but since your collie has a pedigree...sirloin."

'Let's see... that's one 'last week's leftovers' and two 'third grader's homework', right?'

'Patience. Gentle mixing awakens the delicate flavors and presents far more agreeably than straight-out-of-the-can.'

Water. Food. Garnish.

Can I have another free biscuit for my dog? Sure. Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits? You sure this is for your dog? Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?

Cooking shows for dogs

"If we list it now, you could be eating filet mignon every night for the rest of your life!"

'Feeding dog food to dogs is NOT ethnic stereotyping!'