Affectionate Doggy Chef Gifts

Homemade dog biscuits.

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"Is that all they taught him at obedience school? How to use a can opener?"

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

Dog Food

"Pretty good dog, huh, Larry?"

"For what he is about to receive may the dog be truly thankful."

Dog Chow Mein

"We need to put in more bones."

"You're spoiling that dog again!"

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

Dog Food Pyramid. Meat. Scraps.

"So, what's it to be, chicken unfit for human consumption, or beef unfit for human consumption?"

Recipes.

"Kibbled, canned and frozen were non-starters. But he'll often accept a ice ribeye as long as it's been properly dry aged."

"Let's see . . . I detect beef . . . peas . . . and a subtle hint of sweet potato!"

'Sure, it's a nice buffet, but I can't help thinking it's a bit morbid...'

'Fruits, vegetables, meat, eggs and cooked beans! He gets a better dinner than I do!'

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?"

"As a dog he's incredible. As a chef he's just okay."

Dog Food: Lick & Collect

'It's the Animal Welfare people about you feeding leftovers to the dog!'

No caption. (Dog delivery man delivers a box labeled "Scraps" to dog customer.)

"I need some assistance here."

"The vet said if he's not eating I should warm up his dog food a little.'

'See what happens when you let him cook.'

"Generally I recommend chuck, but since your collie has a pedigree...sirloin."

'Let's see... that's one 'last week's leftovers' and two 'third grader's homework', right?'

Cooking shows for dogs

Can I have another free biscuit for my dog? Sure. Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits? You sure this is for your dog? Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?

Water. Food. Garnish.

"I always add a few breath mints to his food."