Pampered Pet Chef Pillows

"What smells so good? -- I'm not cooking for you, but for my dog."

Raw food, after you leave for work.

A woman with a dog and a baby on a leash

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Is that all they taught him at obedience school? How to use a can opener?"

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

What female dogs think about their looks.

"She doesn't eat raw zebra... Where can we get Alaska wild salmon in cream truffle sauce in the middle of Africa?"

"You're spoiling that dog again!"

Homemade dog biscuits.

"We need to put in more bones."

"The wings help. Now pick up the bowl and I'll chase it around the room a bit."

"For this dish we'll need to sauté the onion with the week-old, moldy, ant-covered French fry over medium heat. Then, we lightly flash boil our dehydrated mouse..."

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

Recipes.

'You say he's been shaking his head?'

'I'm taking the leftovers home, so suggest something my dog will enjoy.'

"Let's see . . . I detect beef . . . peas . . . and a subtle hint of sweet potato!"

"He spoils them."

"I won't need a doggie bag."

'Fruits, vegetables, meat, eggs and cooked beans! He gets a better dinner than I do!'

'Alice, you're spoiling that cat!'

"I call it male cat supremacy."

"Look, I’m sorry - it’s not Asian fusion night!"

"As a dog he's incredible. As a chef he's just okay."

"...yes I just popped in to feed your cat and do a spot of vacuuming!"

'What can I say? The Feng Shui in the litter box was off.'

We have dog spas, dog motels, dog walkers, dog designer clothes...

'See, it's very good cat food!'

'It's the Animal Welfare people about you feeding leftovers to the dog!'

'See what happens when you let him cook.'

"I need some assistance here."

'I stay out of the sun and use a fan: That way, I don't need to roll in the mud to keep cool...'