Punny Reporter Gifts

'I'm going to need a Margin of Error or I can't publish your prediction of 6 more weeks of winter.'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

'Who wants to be examined first?'

"Why have you called him ballpoint?"

'Can you just send the digital copy?'

'A lot of my stories involve milk.'

Planting vegetables - "BEAN there done that."

Signs reads 'Do Not Feed the Boids.'

Stud Finders: 'These don't even work!'

"Waiter! - will my pizza be long?"

"...then - and here's the funny part - I add the potassium sulfate..."

"Honey, I just got 't-boned' off I-80 West of Omaha!"

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

Noise Pollution

"Do you remember what you had for lunch last Thursday?"

"I got an order of boneless ribs, an order of jumbo shrimp, and an order of hot chili with three ice waters. What is this, the oxymoron table?"

"Can I get you your bill sir?"

'So, Harkness, I see that you have a very checkered background!'

'I think I just invented 'Rock 'n Roll'.'

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up this office, and you'll pay the price.'

"I propose we put all our eggs in one basket."

You're a hard man to read, Randy. At times, you seem like a cad. A Don Juan. A scoundrel. But at other time, you seem wise. Mature. Supportive. Ladies are most responsive to a "bad guy" to "good guy" ratio of 7 to 6.3756892. My findings have been published in the Oxford Journal of Lovin'.

'Inner-city kids in search of a butter life.'

'Look, you still owe us 17 cents.. if you sweep up my office we'll call it even.'

Crime A-L

"Well, well! Looks like someone's not a happy camper! Get it? Happy camper? We're camping? Happy...cam...ahem..."

Picking Brains

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but you have a tentative offer from Burma-Shave.

'Bailiff, tell maintenance that I need my bench raised again.'

No, Ernie --- Female chipmunks aren't called chip-nuns.

In hindsight, Giovanni realised that it was probably a bad idea hiring a builder with a short leg!

"Deadly gas is escaping from Uranus!"

"Hey you...want a bunuelo?"

'I'm seriously thinking of firing you as my lawyer.'

50 shades of brown.