Punny Professional Gifts

'Look, you still owe us 17 cents.. if you sweep up my office we'll call it even.'

'Bailiff, tell maintenance that I need my bench raised again.'

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'Sometimes, from time to time, occasionally I wish I'd never bought that ruddy thesaurus!'

"I'm dating a lunar astronaut!"

Happy Hog - Manet

"YAY! FREE SHIPPING!"

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

"He may be the principal, but he's a terrible speller."

'A lot of my stories involve milk.'

Planting vegetables - "BEAN there done that."

"Oh, do stick it adjectively adverbially where the 'effin' sun don't shine!"

Stud Finders: 'These don't even work!'

Who's Not Who.

"You like woodwork class then, son?"

'Smooth move -- Now we're in REAL trouble!'

"Honey, I just got 't-boned' off I-80 West of Omaha!"

SCUBER

Professional Cell Phone Accessories

'I'm the veterinarian of Cheshire who spays and neuters Cheshire pets.'

Blake's Sealant.

"Do you remember what you had for lunch last Thursday?"

"Can I get you your bill sir?"

"I'm keeping you back after school!"

'I need 1000 bucks to tide me over until my ship comes in!'

'Inner-city kids in search of a butter life.'

Accounting Dept. Don't panic, sir. When I said we have a "net loss" I only meant the wi-fi is down.

"I propose we put all our eggs in one basket."

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up this office, and you'll pay the price.'

'I think I just invented 'Rock 'n Roll'.'

'Do you like Indian food?' 'I have my reservations!'

"How interesting, Mr Spladgeforth, we don't often see the Eiffel Tower made out of sausages!"

Fish in gaol.

Out of work baker - I knead your dough.

No, Ernie --- Female chipmunks aren't called chip-nuns.