Punks Gifts

' I've been trying to quit...At least I'm down to just two cigarettes a day.'

Zombie standup

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

Backfire

"That's it. We’re toast."

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"This brew is quite hoppy - they must of added too much toad."

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

Silence of the Chickens...

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

Wok. Don't Wok.

"Happy Gnu Year!"

Vlad the Inhaler

"Hic. Gosh and begorrah!" "Wha?"

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

Shampoo.

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

"Ninja bread men"