Punchline Chaser Pillows

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

Snowprov

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"It's not face paint. I'm transitioning into a snow leopard."

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

'He migrates through every year about this time. Just sits there and watches. We leave him alone and he leaves us alone...'

'DO you know what time we start here?'

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

"Smite him, my son!"

'That was Mr.Osgood, sir. He's just made his final payment.'

Chicken: the one-man show

"Of course, you try to raise your kids so they won't need lawyers."

Comedy Rule

A therapist reads to his patient from a joke book.

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'Wow...This could be the beginning of a fantastic career...A sales coach is waiting for you. He wants to hire you as a bad example.'

"Your early stuff was funnier."

"Please tell the king I've remembered the punchline."

"...And I don't want any resentments just because someone hits below the belt..."

'Don't get up until nine.' - 'What time is it now?'

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

'Since light travels faster than sound, is that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?'

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'