Punchline Chaser Gifts

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

Snowprov

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"It's not face paint. I'm transitioning into a snow leopard."

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

'He migrates through every year about this time. Just sits there and watches. We leave him alone and he leaves us alone...'

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

'DO you know what time we start here?'

"That's two tossed salads, one egg drop soup, and one pulled pork."

"Smite him, my son!"

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

I think it's time to retire from boxing. I'm too old for life in the fist lane.

Chicken: the one-man show

'That was Mr.Osgood, sir. He's just made his final payment.'

"Hey Ref - any chance you can get those buzzards to quit circling over my fighter?"

Comedy Rule

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

A therapist reads to his patient from a joke book.

Phill Jupitus

"Of course, you try to raise your kids so they won't need lawyers."

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'Wow...This could be the beginning of a fantastic career...A sales coach is waiting for you. He wants to hire you as a bad example.'

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'

'Since light travels faster than sound, is that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?'

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'

Have you been living in the moment, Al? Living in the moment? I thought you said I should be living it up in the moment! Frankly, the hangovers are killing me!

My birthday suit is out of fashion.

"Your early stuff was funnier."

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

"Please tell the king I've remembered the punchline."

'Don't get up until nine.' - 'What time is it now?'