Punchline Collector Gifts

"Please tell the king I've remembered the punchline."

"My wife's cooking doesn't agree with me. Come to think of it, neither does my wife."

"Farmer Ed is looking for the chicken that crossed the road."

Snowprov

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"You seem dangerous. I like that."

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

"Why so grim, handsome?"

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

'Do you come here often?'

'DO you know what time we start here?'

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

"Smite him, my son!"

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

'That was Mr.Osgood, sir. He's just made his final payment.'

Chicken: the one-man show

Comedy Rule

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

'Did you just hear that? Scientist say we are now an endangered species and mating should be our top priority!'

'You had me at hell.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'Wow...This could be the beginning of a fantastic career...A sales coach is waiting for you. He wants to hire you as a bad example.'

'Don't get up until nine.' - 'What time is it now?'

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'

"But it wouldn't be premarital sex unless we got married."