Pun Punchers Pillows

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Zombie standup

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

I will study my speling words...

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"This brew is quite hoppy - they must of added too much toad."

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

Backfire

"That's it. We’re toast."

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

"Ninja bread men"

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

Shampoo.

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Hic. Gosh and begorrah!" "Wha?"

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

Vlad the Inhaler

"Happy Gnu Year!"

Wok. Don't Wok.