Puck Puncher Pillows

'I do a lot of icing. It's part of my mellowness.'

Hockey Season.

'Lungs, normal. Heart, normal. Kidneys, normal. For the life of me, I can't figure out where your pain is coming... wait. Do you play hockey?'

'He migrates through every year about this time. Just sits there and watches. We leave him alone and he leaves us alone...'

'The team we're playing tonight is good 'cause I heard they know how to turn and stop!'

I would love to learn Karate, but Dad insists I do Boxing instead: He says I have natural disposition for it...

'According to my count, he sticked 23, gloved 18 and ate 5.'

Hockey Goal

His Other Shtick

"Just so you know, despite the horrifying beating you're about to receive, I'm actually a pretty good hockey player."

'I've gone over the fight tapes and I think I've pinpointed your weakness.'

'It sure is hot in the arena tonight!'

'Would you like me to check your coat?'

"Prozzac"

'Well, the toughest part of the fight is over . . . getting though the hostile crowd.'

'Puck!'

Skate! Skate! Skate!

A smiling woman wearing boxing gloves

"He should've passed the puck."

Hockey player with dollar sign "It was in his contract."

'How long have you felt this need to protect the net'

'A meeting of the 'Bandy' association for the promotion of 'Hockey on the ice.''

"Good. Now punch in your password."

'OK. Let's see your slapshot.'

'Your goalie is out with the flu, I'm a temp, ,,, So, what's the object of this little game'

Ice Fisherman on the Hockey Rink

Ice hockey player with testicles on his stick.

"Look! The first fight of the NHL season."

'Could you wait until I drop the puck next time?'

There comes a point when you may have to admit the truth: you stink.

"Roomba, noooo!"

Concentrated Orange Juice