Puck Chucker Pillows

'It sure is hot in the arena tonight!'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'I do a lot of icing. It's part of my mellowness.'

Hockey Season.

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

'Lungs, normal. Heart, normal. Kidneys, normal. For the life of me, I can't figure out where your pain is coming... wait. Do you play hockey?'

'He migrates through every year about this time. Just sits there and watches. We leave him alone and he leaves us alone...'

The Hockey Puckey

'The team we're playing tonight is good 'cause I heard they know how to turn and stop!'

The Puck Stops Here.

'According to my count, he sticked 23, gloved 18 and ate 5.'

His Other Shtick

Hockey Goal

"Just so you know, despite the horrifying beating you're about to receive, I'm actually a pretty good hockey player."

'Would you like me to check your coat?'

"Prozzac"

'I've gone over the fight tapes and I think I've pinpointed your weakness.'

'Puck!'

"He should've passed the puck."

The Stanley Cup comes home to Canada

Skate! Skate! Skate!

'How long have you felt this need to protect the net'

Hockey player with dollar sign "It was in his contract."

Remember that club you threw last month and couldn't find?

'A meeting of the 'Bandy' association for the promotion of 'Hockey on the ice.''

'OK. Let's see your slapshot.'

'Your goalie is out with the flu, I'm a temp, ,,, So, what's the object of this little game'

'I'd say pound-for-pound he's the best player in professional hockey.'

Ice hockey player with testicles on his stick.

Ice Fisherman on the Hockey Rink

"Look! The first fight of the NHL season."

There comes a point when you may have to admit the truth: you stink.

"I'm your last line of defense and your attorney."

NHL's toughest coach: 'I'm sick of all this whining! Hockey's a rough game!. . . Now get back out there!'

"Roomba, noooo!"