Puck Warrior Pillows

'A meeting of the 'Bandy' association for the promotion of 'Hockey on the ice.''

'I do a lot of icing. It's part of my mellowness.'

"Let's just go in and see what happens."

Hockey Season.

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

'You bought an F-14 equipped with an internal 20 mm vulcan gatling-type paintball gun? I think you might be taking this paintball thing a little too seriously!'

'Lungs, normal. Heart, normal. Kidneys, normal. For the life of me, I can't figure out where your pain is coming... wait. Do you play hockey?'

'He migrates through every year about this time. Just sits there and watches. We leave him alone and he leaves us alone...'

'The team we're playing tonight is good 'cause I heard they know how to turn and stop!'

"I'm not going to shoot the messenger, but I'm also not going to renew his grant."

'According to my count, he sticked 23, gloved 18 and ate 5.'

His Other Shtick

Hockey Goal

'I could be wrong, but I think Frank brought in a ringer.'

"Just so you know, despite the horrifying beating you're about to receive, I'm actually a pretty good hockey player."

'It sure is hot in the arena tonight!'

'Would you like me to check your coat?'

"Prozzac"

"This will illustrate our problem - I wanted to go for counseling but he wanted to do a paintball grudge match."

"He should've passed the puck."

Skate! Skate! Skate!

'Puck!'

Hockey player with dollar sign "It was in his contract."

'Alright, who detonated the thermonuclear paintball bomb?'

World Ping-Pong Federation.

'Now, aren't you glad I made you wear the goggles when you went to retrieve your golf ball in the paintball area?'

'It's come to my attention that a few employees have been engaging in paintball wars instead of getting their work done. Would you know who these individuals are?'

'OK. Let's see your slapshot.'

'Your goalie is out with the flu, I'm a temp, ,,, So, what's the object of this little game'

'Could you wait until I drop the puck next time?'

"I'm your last line of defense and your attorney."

"Look! The first fight of the NHL season."

There comes a point when you may have to admit the truth: you stink.