Puck Protector Pillows

"I'm your last line of defense and your attorney."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'I do a lot of icing. It's part of my mellowness.'

No Soliciting

'He has a big heart. . . inviting his homeless friends in to stay dry.'

"And with you on guard, I won't have to worry about that monster under my bed."

Hockey Season.

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

"Don't even think about it."

The IRS emptied my pouch.

'Lungs, normal. Heart, normal. Kidneys, normal. For the life of me, I can't figure out where your pain is coming... wait. Do you play hockey?'

"Don’t worry, girl. I’m working on our ‘no puppy left behind.’"

"We're looking for a 5000 step walk."

'He migrates through every year about this time. Just sits there and watches. We leave him alone and he leaves us alone...'

The Hockey Puckey

'The team we're playing tonight is good 'cause I heard they know how to turn and stop!'

"Someday, my son, that will mean you."

'I'm a guard dog too.'

'Have you seen little Spotty?'

Climate change hits Antarctica

"Hello? I`d like to report a missing person..."

'It's true what they say - we're a nation of dog lovers!'

'Aha...Hmmmm...tsk, tsk, tsk!'

His Other Shtick

'It's great: My Masters are poor, so I don't have anything to guard and they never leave me to go on holidays...'

"Just so you know, despite the horrifying beating you're about to receive, I'm actually a pretty good hockey player."

'Oh, Joey's left home alright, but you know how it is, kids never really move out...'

"Now look! You've upset him!"

'Would you like me to check your coat?'

"Try nibblin' through that, you little tree rat!"

'Okay, how do we do this?'

"Prozzac"

'It's plastic, Ben, it's only plastic!'

Take a puppy, leave a puppy

"If you're my best friend then why did you have me neutered?"