Pun-loving Couple Pillows

"Sure, I can give you a group discount for neutering both of them."

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Do it yourself books.

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

'Al, that hopeless romantic, sends me love letters written in wine. I just wish he'd use red instead of white.'

true love.

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

"Extreme? Maybe. But I have the best behaved school in the district."

"I told you I wouldn't be any good at this game. Look, I've gone and hit the ball down one of those little holes again."

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

'There, there, dear -- they're all alike.'

'If you weren't afraid to commit, you'd CARVE it, not use a pencil.'

"Let's just say that you're not trending on any site on the internet!"

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'I can't come out and play because I'm in 'Time-Out.' Although here at Grandma's it's more like 'Time-Out Lite.' '

'I just had to come over...You caught my eye.'

'Mummy-do you believe in cod?'

Cat punishement.

'Yes, I'm settling out of court.'

"That's so romantic Otto! You're farting OUR song!"

'You precisely said 'straight over at the roundabout'. You didn't say anything about going around it.'

'That's in case there's any backsliding.'

'You've got to be brave now... I'm not going to leave you in 2009!'

'You're the most self-absorbed egomaniac it's ever been my misfortune to know.' 'I'm beginning to think we're on different wavelengths.'

'You wake the kids, Mr Macho, and I'll boomba, boomba you.'

'He uses the leg rope in the water and she uses it out of the water!'

'I was hurt in a boating accident. I tripped over a rack of oars at a sporting goods store.'

"It's nothing serious...just a flooded engine."

The ol' swine flu gag.

'My son's doing work experience and he helps me with the small print.'

'Hey, don't do that! Don't you know they send cribbers to the fox farm?'

'Owr inglish teecher is rubish!!'

"Yep, that's a new sign: I've just finished my law-degree..."

Asleep on an airplane