Pun Lovers Pillows

I couldn't remember who the dickens wrote David Copperfield and Oliver Twist.

As senior assistant groundskeeper, Louie was responsible for dragging the infielders before every game.

"Yes, sir, we do specialise in lisp treatment..."

Unable to repair the On/Off switch, the electrician simply relabeled it.

Roman Golfer.

'Guys! The turnovers are KILLING us!'

"We couldn't find a raw-vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, non-G.M.O. cake for your birthday, so we got you nothing."

'Do I know about incontinence? No I never was good at Geography.'

'The smallest line I can read says 'Made In China'.'

'Okay. . . five more! Spring forward! Fall back.'

'You have to realise that as a potato you are a very complex carbohydrate.'

"Any other bright ideas, Mr. Sex-on-the-Beach?"

'Npotcz? I think it's one of those new government regulatory agencies.'

"Gotta go. My ten o'clock is here."

'Compassion fruit.'

'We want youth in asia.'

Neighborhood Watch.

'It's a venture capitalist.'

'In retrospect naming the business after me probably wasn't a good idea,'

'What split would you settle for, fifty fifty?' - 'As long as I get the hyphen as well.'

"Where is the Dead Sea?" "I didn't even know it was sick!"

A Bun in the Oven.

'Parting is such sweet sorrow.'

'Yarrr... I'll be needin' some tech support for me iPatch.'

Prophets are up.

'Look mum and dad! They let me keep my appendix!' - A young book excitedly showing off his appendix to his arriving parents.

'Quit chasing your dreams.'

'Frogs only! Violators will be toad!'

'What it is is a giant kidney.'

'Don't tell me...you got rear-ended again?'

"Your hindsight is 20/20, but your foresight is legally blind."

'What makes you think I tell really big lies, Pinocchio?'

'I think I'll skip this particular market.'

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'Caution - wet floor' sign in fish tank.