Pun Enjoyer Pillows

'How's the nursing bitch today..'

Short Attention Span Bar & Grill...Happy moment, 5ish!

"It's probably one of those sniff videos."

'Big Sale 2 for the Price of 1.'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Staff support"

"Ironically, this is the living room."

Copycats

Zombie standup

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Talk nerdy to me."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"Trust me, Lew, if anyone knows where the salmon are jumping, she does!"

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

Seagiraffes

baby sweetcorn...

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"You're going to hate yourself."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."