Pun Enjoyer Pillows

'How's the nursing bitch today..'

Short Attention Span Bar & Grill...Happy moment, 5ish!

"It's probably one of those sniff videos."

'Big Sale 2 for the Price of 1.'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Staff support"

Copycats

Zombie standup

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"Talk nerdy to me."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

baby sweetcorn...

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"Trust me, Lew, if anyone knows where the salmon are jumping, she does!"

Seagiraffes

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'