Puns Lover Pillows

'You say you're having trouble seeing the future.'

'No. . . this isn't the fiscal cliff.'

"You have a divine right - and the left isn't bad either."

Freebies.

'Is it high fibre? Are you kidding me? Of course it's high fibre...Eat the stick!'

Caterpilsner

Full System Scan

bitter lemon...

"If we paid test cricketers by the day... you'd never have a game finishing early."

'Frankly, I expected more musketry.'

"Good news—the economy is still sluggish!"

"'Goodbye cruel world'? Really Smithers?! That's the best you can do??!!"

"Merry Christmas"

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Staff support"

"Ironically, this is the living room."

Copycats

Zombie standup

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Talk nerdy to me."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

baby sweetcorn...

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'