Pun Lovers Gifts

I couldn't remember who the dickens wrote David Copperfield and Oliver Twist.

As senior assistant groundskeeper, Louie was responsible for dragging the infielders before every game.

Farmacy - 'I can't read your doctor's chicken scratch. I'm sure the pharmacist can, though.'

"Yes, sir, we do specialise in lisp treatment..."

Plastering the cracks.

Unable to repair the On/Off switch, the electrician simply relabeled it.

'Sparky! Your mother and I are shocked at your current behavior! Until you learn to conduct yourself properly, you're grounded!'

Roman Golfer.

"We couldn't find a raw-vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, non-G.M.O. cake for your birthday, so we got you nothing."

'Guys! The turnovers are KILLING us!'

Love is Blind.

'Do I know about incontinence? No I never was good at Geography.'

'Yes, we even have shoe shopping. We just refer to it as 'sole' searching.'

'The smallest line I can read says 'Made In China'.'

'Okay. . . five more! Spring forward! Fall back.'

'You have to realise that as a potato you are a very complex carbohydrate.'

'Got anything with a bit of leg room?'

"Any other bright ideas, Mr. Sex-on-the-Beach?"

'Npotcz? I think it's one of those new government regulatory agencies.'

'Compassion fruit.'

"Gotta go. My ten o'clock is here."

'It's a venture capitalist.'

'We want youth in asia.'

Neighborhood Watch.

'Parting is such sweet sorrow.'

'Yarrr... I'll be needin' some tech support for me iPatch.'

'In retrospect naming the business after me probably wasn't a good idea,'

'What split would you settle for, fifty fifty?' - 'As long as I get the hyphen as well.'

Noah's first venture after the flood.

"Where is the Dead Sea?" "I didn't even know it was sick!"

A Bun in the Oven.

Department of Knock, Knock Jokes: 'Ring bell for service.'

'What makes you think I tell really big lies, Pinocchio?'

'We'd like to help you but we're a full boat.'

Prophets are up.