Pun Fanatic Gifts

'What do you mean you're out of ice?'

How aging affects drug use...'You're on drugs, aren't you?' 'You're off your meds, aren't you?'

"Mom said you threw your back out. Don't you need it anymore?"

What happens in vagueness stays in vagueness.

"Doc, she's having contractions!"

A buck and a half.

'Do me a favour, your bunions alone are size nine.'

'Here in Salem, the Lord likes our mediums well done.'

"Do you know what time they open love?"

"This job is killing me!!!"

'I call it my bumper sticker.'

'He was past his sell-by date anyway.'

"God! I've had a clich� block."

"Gin & Catatonic?"

Laughing Zone Ahead

'Express delivery through the Gulf Stream is an extra $2 Sir...'

'Duck.'

"Whether we refer to them as lakes or ponds, it's mere semantics."

Unsound

"Remember it's buff-fey. The 't' is silent."

Chick Cow Go (The Windy City)

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

'Let's call him Wolly Bully!'

'I want to talk to... TCH! No rest for the wicked, eh?'

''Hand over the money or die.'?! Are you serious?' 'Sure! Look, I've underlined 'Die'.'

Ventriloquism.

Nurse Jane Phelps amazes peers and patients alike by regularly getting blood from a turnip.

Dogma Meets Doggerel

"You need a mint."

Gesundheit! - a christmas tree should be fresh.

'I was a great burglar: I was so slow I wouldn't trigger the motion sensors...'

Ernie, what's a seven-letter phrase for "sadistic behavior"? Beats me.

"Let's go with the sand-wedgie."

TGIF

"I thought we agreed on Meatless Mondays."