Pun And Wordplay Fan Gifts

Hall monitor lizard: 'Hey! No running!'

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

The Alpha Seltzer

"No flight of the Bumblebee"

Cat Burglar

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

Wiener Dog . . . Dog Wiener

"If you'd like to take a seat."

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

Dog in casino.

"You have no idea what it's like to be a 'just between you and me' person in a 'just between you and I' world."

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

Annual Swim Hundreds of Miles, Spawn and Die Marathon.

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

'There is a drug for Hypochondria... but the side-effects may actually make you sick!'

"There's only the four of us. I hope you like doo-wop."

"Oh, I'm fine. I just had to take a personal day to recharge my batteries."

Surgeon walks through hospital where sign says, 'No Stresspassing'.

'I prefer the term 'mobile home'.'

Praying mantis.

"Gimme a lite. Bug Lite."

"Streaming"

Business Promotion.

'You have a fauxbia.'

"I'm terrible taking tests, too. I always freeze."

'The travel agent says there's nothing available on the port side. Do you want me to see if she's got anything on the sherry side?'

S**t Threw a Goose

"I came here to be treated - not flattered!"

"The etchings are in the library."

Gloria, why do you keep saying "Go Fish"? We're playing poker. It's as close as I can get to telling you what I'd really like to in a family newspaper.

Produce Market. Lots of things are going on with the produce. The tomatoes, as usual, are having a fruit or veggie identity crisis. Though it makes no sense, the apples and oranges are constantly comparing themselves to one another. The plums are happy. Any assignment or position that comes their way is always the best. That potatoes want couches, of course. And the bananas think they should run the market government. Sure, a banana republic!