Puns And Wordplay Enthusiasts Gifts

'The sign outside says this is a second-hand store...'

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

Lesser known greek gods,

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

The Pink Bantha

A Club Sandwitch.

"He just said his first word!"

"I'm eating baklava through my balaclava!"

"Well there's no way I'm going to say 'whom'!"

Dog in casino.

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

Tequila Mockingbird

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

Shell Fire

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

'Justin, this isn't what I meant when I said we could make out like bandits.'

Frank & Ernest. Signe Painted. Cosmetology Dept. That should be "cosmology"! Why do you always get those two confused? I always think the one about space should have an "et" in it.

"Hair spray"

"Neversource"

"All other letters have been disallowed."

"After searching for the sun all night, it finally dawned on me..."

'Are we watching business news or sports news?'

Paralegal eagle.

Green Trash

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

'So who's smoking?'

We pay the maximum minimum wage.

Charlie Beck Loves Austin Beutner

"I have never ever heard Dante rhymed quite like that with ricochet before. Bravo Professor Firenze, you have moved our hearts!"

'My mother was a real bitch!'

"She left you, Larry — you really have to stop beating yourself up over it."

National Optometrists Association. O.K., whose idea was it to form a focus group?…

'Of course I can spell -- I just can't spell conventionally.'