Publicity Stunt Schemer Gifts

'I agree that the publicity would be good for your blog, but how are you going to get a Kardashian to date you?'

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

'You're closer to the Big Guy than anyone. Will you help us kill him?'

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

CEO Escape

“Son, that… ‘some this will all be yours’… is now!”

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

'Here's the game plan going forward. We acknowledge any and all 'mistakes,' then fake fixing them.'

"My assistant is more of a behind-the-scenes kind of guy."

"I've made myself a success through a combination of long-term planning and short term tantrums."

"Do you call this a business plan?"

'Things look much better long-term, once we pass the statute of limitations.'

Office Canteen: 'Getting in a consultant is win-win for us... we'll get the credit if it's a success - but, if it all goes wrong, we've got someone else to blame!'

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.

'Do you want to be red Tory or blue Labour?'

'Nothing on the sign says I have to have a person with me.'

'Damn, I just love this new problem solving tool!'

"Look, let's just say I haven't seen anything, Charlie hasn't heard anything, and Tom hasn't said anything."

'We've decided to foreclose on Paraguay, Ferguson -- Get down there and take the place over.'

"We're fighting them in zone A, they're our allies in zone B, and we don't know what to do in zone C."

"Can't you fellas read the sign? I can't let you wheel him in here."

"We love your results. We're just a weeny bit concerned about your methods."

"Just take the free kick, and stop wasting time."

'Oh, that's Dan, the congressman's right AND left hand man'

'While Dewey distracts the defense, the quarterback simply jogs into the end zone untouched.'

"Boss, there's a rumor going around that someone lost a $1,000 bill in the cafe. There are like 200 people out there." "Interesting. And I assume they're all looking for the $1,000 bill. I assume they don't want anyone else to know about it before they find it." "I assume each of them is buying our food and drink so the others won't suspect they're here with ulterior motives." "I wonder who could have possibly spread such a rumor in the first place?" "Very bad man."

"So, are we singing from the same hymnbook?"

"Yeah, it's a Christmas tree alright! So, we know exactly where the antelopes will be early morning on Christmas day..."

Old man stealing sand from a sand box for child

'Business is slow. Go and throw a few banana skins on the pavement.'

'I'm always thinking of my fellow man - that's how I stay ahead of him.'