Public Relations Professional Pillows

"There sits the unvarnished truth. Now, how shall we interpret it to our advantage?"

"Wait, those weren't lies. That was spin!"

'Beasley, you're a good communicator, look down the table and make eye contact for me!'

'We need another word for 'loss' that doesn't sound like loss.'

'The environmental impact should be minimal. In any event, we can work around it.'

"You've done some outstanding work in Public Relations, Benderman. Unfortunately, you work in Accounting.!

'I'm very impressed with how you effectively dodged every one of my questions.'

Advertising Agency - "Phew! Fooling some of the people all the time is hard work."

'If there are no other ideas, then it's agreed we blame the media.'

"Oh, and add a couple of intentional typos to my weekly email update...I want to appear warm and authentic!!"

'Wait a sec...do you want that comment off the record or out of context?'

"I couldn't find the giant scissors."

'Doctor, before you meet the press to explain your theory about space aliens communicating with us, maybe you should take the tin foil off of your head.'

"Miss Collins, get me my PR man!"

"How much marketing do we need to save this situation?"

"It's nothing really serious. I just wandered a little too close to the harsh light of intense public scrutiny."

"If you represent special interests, I can seat you immediately."

'I know! Let's hire a celebrity to deliver the bad news!'

Focus Groupies

"I reviewed your Social Media Strategy. I don't follow it, I don't heart it and I want you to #tryharder!"

"That's just our design-team image. Our actual design team is over here."

What's your strategy?

Spin doctor arriving at an emergency.

'Remember, Henson; we're not here to hobnob - we're here to schmooze.'

RE Agency - "You do realise that this will be expensive"

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

"As a sign of respect for you stockholders, our CEO will use his one phone call from prison to take questions about the recent negative publicity."

"I'm sure you've all noticed that our company seems to be attracting a lot of ink from the press lately."

Public Relations 101: Today's Lecture: 'Weapons of mass deception.'

Malarky, Baloney & Blarney - Informed Sources

Hillary's Listening Tour of Apartment 8-B

"Is your church up for the 'Best Media Coverage' award?"

THE GOLDMANS HIRE A MEDIA CONSULTANT.

"We'll make you appear smart, but a little inarticulate - instead of somebody who is stupid and doesn't know what he's talking about."

'Here are your controversial remarks spin-doctored.'