Public Relations Specialist Pillows

'So, how bad is it? Who can bring me up to speed?'

"Hold everything! The P.R. department just sent over this chart."

'We need a campaign to tell the public that we put social responsibility ahead of profits so we can make more profits.'

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

'Look, if this fails we'll still have to do business with them, so try to be subtle about it.'

Strictly off the record.

'Get me public relations!'

"Love it! 'People of smoke' instead of 'Smokers.' "

'Have you considered getting a life-coach?'

"It's simple, really. Just figure out what the honorable thing to do is – and make it look like we did it."

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

Publisher to book writer holding up 'Get on Oprah' sign: 'So that's the extent of your marketing plan?'

Vice President in Charge of Smoke and Vice President in Charge of Mirrors

'We have to be forthright with the public. We have to have their confidence. We have to convince them we're working for the common good. Then we can invade their privacy.'

"The Box is bigger, the contents smaller, increased the price and called it improved."

"Let's change 'brink of chaos' to 'Everything is wonderful.'"

"Yes, but take away the rodent droppings and the occasional shard of glass, and you've still got a damn fine product."

"I want you to find a way to blame all this on El Nino."

'Oh, so you want to get nasty? Well, two can play that game! Remember when I told you to have a nice day? I RETRACT IT! Oh, yes I can! I just DID!'

'Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public. Ethical advertising uses the truth to deceive the public.'

'Nobody likes me. I need a media advisor.'

Creative entrepreneur at work

'Are we talking about political reality, media reality or the real reality?'

'This will make the consumers think differently about our bacteria problem,'

"Well, for this amount we could do you a nice word-of-mouth campaign!"

"Young people today need heroes - that's why I hired a P.R. firm."

"Then he slammed the door on me!" "Not the closing you were hoping for."

"You'll fins some mints on the pillow, polishing our brand."

"What are we going to do about those air pollution complaints?"

"The idea that the government introduces change for the SAKE of it is NONSENSE...we also introduce it so we have an endless stream of tabloid friendly headlines and meaningless sound bites."

"If you ask me, the fire has the most potential, but it's the smoke that has people talking."

"It's a very rare disease - it doesn't have a cure. It doesn't even have a spokesperson."

"Phil's an expert networker. One drink and he's on schmooze-control."

"As I mentioned before, Fassler, you'll never go anywhere until you start using 'impact' as a verb."

"Publicly, we're still saying there are no side effects."