Psychotherapy Gifts

'Before we begin, I'd like to say a few words about the concept of 'defence mechanisms'.'

"It feels like people are always trying to avoid me."

"Always had difficulty expressing my anger. Even before the botox injections."

Tell me about your portfolio.'

'Perfectly normal ? everyone loves to see lawyers suffer.'

Cut out and keep your own Freud.

Sticker on car outside Department of Psychotherapy reads, "Go to work on an ego."

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

'If you're happy and you know it clap your hands.'

Existential Material - All Ends Up.

Mitch learned beneath his conscious thoughts, he felt small,inadequate,desperately in need of strength,competence, power.

"I'm competitive,cruel,glad when my friends fail...I've no idea why I'm here."

People Work Perfectly...We process all information through our senses...the meaning of communication is the response we get.

'Very interesting, you still hear these voices!'

'Just because you had a happy childhood doesn't mean you can't be a screwed-up adult.'

Avoidance Behaviour.

'I hear voices doctor, and sometimes I smell their breath!'

'Out! You flunked the 'management' part.'

'I'd give this stupid dream a 'D'.'

Identity Therapy

"So, how long have you been agoraphobic?"

'It was his last session.'

Man in therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

Syntactically Challenged Anonymous

'I think Dr Fussmertz caught your paranoia. He's hiding under his couch.'

'You call that anxiety?'

"Just tell me when you've had too much sun and you'd like to get back to our intense sexual psychodrama."

"I keep getting the feeling I’m being watched."

"Therapist: Six couches no waiting"

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

"Don't quote me on that."

"I can’t even find the motivation to quit my gym membership."

"Seasonal depression and existential depression and political depression for the trifecta."

"I just feel so empty."

Psychologist at Self Esteem Clinic to patient: 'You need to learn to relax more - play some miniature golf.'