Psychiatry Pun Lover Pillows

'Well, it's not all in your mind -- there isn't room.'

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"No flight of the Bumblebee"

X-ray Psychology.

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

"Your vocabulary is enlarged."

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

A Brain Drain

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

It's a pretty serious chemical imbalance, Mr. Sims

'Is there a God? God knows...'

'If you want a second opinion, come back tomorrow, and I'll tell you the same thing.'

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

"You're as sound as a dollar. I'll order more tests."

All kidding aside, let me explain why I get to call you Al, yet you have to call me Dr. Kapuchnik. It's simply because I'm a psychiatrist and you're a bum. It's nothing personal. Thanks for explaining. I feel better.

"Extreme? Maybe. But I have the best behaved school in the district."

"And that one's for the relief of anxiety caused by the high cost of medication."

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

'Actually, I became a psychiatrist because the voices told me to.'

Obstetrics.

'Group hug anyone?'

I heart bypass t-shirt.

'You tell me how to give them a fever, and I'll tell you how to make them cough.'

'I'm afraid the bed shortage is rather acute...'

"I understand you're famous for your tantrums."

'The lab report just came in. The lab is in fine shape!'

'I ordered an IV, not an ivy.'

Traffic Lights Medicine

Hospital. Patient to stomach specialist: 'What's your gut-feeling, Doctor?'

'You're getting a stye.'

"It appears you have medication forgetfulness disorder, which, as you can imagine, is untreatable."

'When you said you are a hammer-toe specialist . . .'