Psychology Pun Lover Pillows

'Actually, I became a psychiatrist because the voices told me to.'

"There are two reasons I'd never tell anyone what you told me today... First, because of the principal of confidentiality and second because it was very boring."

'Group hug anyone?'

Crisis Counseling for Odd Socks.

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

'Miss Caldwell, call security and send in the kleptomaniac.'

'I'm too trusting - I need some paranoia.'

"I understand you're famous for your tantrums."

You know, Doctor, when I first started seeing you, I was struggling with 17 unhealthy addictions

If you apply for my credit card, you can earn points toward your next guilt trip.

"I can't cure your agoraphobia, Mr Johnson, if you won't come out of your box."

"So, let's start with your need to refer to your 'Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder' as 'C.D.O.' just so that it is in Alphabetical order."

'I have a half-a-mind to diagnose you a schizophrenic.

'Your car broke down? Oh, my. Well, don't panic. Just be there for it. Listen and try to be supportive.'

Bob was embarrassed by his nervous tick

Gestalt School of Thought

"Staff support"

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

Copycats

Zombie standup

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

Zoology Class. Test Today. What did you get for the question about Fuzzy Wuzzy?

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.