Puzzle Pun Lover Pillows

'Did you know that a spell checker is useless on math word problems?'

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Staff support"

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

Copycats

Zombie standup

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

Zoology Class. Test Today. What did you get for the question about Fuzzy Wuzzy?

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

'We live in difficult times. These underwear don't help one bit.'

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"Four years of dental school only to tell all my patients 'Don't worry about any tooth issues - they'll just fall out and be replaced, anyway'."

Backfire

"You do realize I'm going to have to bill you for ten?"

Assault 'n' Vinegar

Cut Price

"That's it. We’re toast."