Proverb Appreciator Gifts

"I didn't say: 'He doesn't bite'. I said: 'His bark was worse than his bite'."

"I tried shutting my mouth and opening my mind, but then I remembered it's better to give than to receive."

When in Rome Do as the Romans Do.

"My situation may not be the greatest, but I'll tell you this - I'm worth two of you!"

'We could at least go to hell in a private handcart!'

'I'll look for apples -- you keep an eye out for early birds.'

"I like the elephant in the room. With his memory he never screws up our lunch order!"

Madonna of the Pukes.

"Who's got the hammer?"

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Trump! The Musical

"We have an acronym!"

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

Night of the Zombonies.

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

"Steamed vegetables."

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

'Oh Hi!'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

Meat Grinder

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

You are my sunshine!

Don Quixote is Caged (Don Quixote).

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

Russia Money Laundering

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"Amateurs."