Protocol Joker Pillows

"Touching this button results in world annihilation. Those disregarding this warning will be publicly reprimanded."

"A wet winter, but we're making the best of it."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

'You know too much,'

Good News about winter

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Fish hunting for men.

'How about a game of cards?'

Get crazy once in a while

'I love cutting trees in perfect circles because it drives aerial photography interpreters crazy.'

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

Candid Camera store.

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

Beware of Falling Notice.

"Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!"

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

'Mind taking off your scarf.'

'Look, Dad, I made a pair of boots out of your chest waders.'

"Is it true Dad...is the Earth really made of bleu cheese?"

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

'I'm afraid I can't take you to my leader without a prior appointment.'

"Okay, you scared the babysitter...now get back in there and rinse off that toothpaste, and go to bed!"

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

Shoes Make The Man

'Boy, does this ever shoot holes in the old Big Bang Theory!'

Caution May Contain Nuts.

While You Were Out: We Moved!

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

'If you don't like the way I program, just say so!'

"It appears your anus transplant has rejected you..."

Farmer chasing alien leaving crop circles.

Pole Star