Prospectus Hoarder Gifts

"These investments aren't without risk. Your mailbox might explode with prospectuses."

'Gee, you beat Roger again!'

"I was drawing a whale, but I ran out of paper."

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

'We'll take two sets, for upstairs and downstairs.'

"My Gmail account is full. I can't get any more email." "So?" "I'll miss email. It was so old-timey. You could write hundreds or even thousands of words, with actual paragraphs." "People didn't see any little animations to show them you were typing. They had to actually wonder if you were going to reply." "And the spam was fun. You never got to hear from Nigerian princes while you're checking your texts." "Just delete stuff." "If you delete a few gigs of old emails, you'll be able to get n

"I'll need all the information you can find on why I need so much information."

"I let go of all my earthly attachments, but there's one I can't seem to shake."

"I've been an accountant, an actuary, an advertising exec, an administrator, an architect, an art director, and an auditor, and now I'd like to move on to the B's."

Many certificates of achievement on the wall.

"My father said I was too big for my britches!"

"Buckle up. We're in the midst of an unprecedented breadcrumb recession."

'I made a backup disc. Then I realized I wanted a backup of the backup. Then I decided just to be safe, to make a backup of that backup...'

'These disks contain backups of all my financial records in 25 different software programs. . . I need to make a deposit to your computer.'

"Run! My laptop is so full of apps, downloads, old documents, screenshots and junk files, it's about to explode!"

"Harry Potter and the chamber of obsolete electronics."

"There's so much evidence we should put some aside for a different case."

'If the Mayan calendar is right, how should I back up my files?'

Fantasy Football Awards: 'The trophy to the Monday morning quarterback with the widest end zone...'

"Sometimes I just enjoy listening to some of my favorite old messages."

"I save all my old computers, monitors and devices. I have a hard time letting go."

'It's come to out attention that you've been hoarding intellectual properties."

"You have 2,974 tabs open. I suggest closing about 2,970 of them. That may speed up your computer."

"I'm sorry I accidentally threw the USB flash drive away. If we go through the trash, we can find it. It should only take a few years."

Recycling bins for glass, paper, metal and IDEAS.

Wife's head is mounted on hunter's wall.

Data stored in the cloud effect star gazing even more than city lights.

'John's found it harder to kick his eBay habit than drugs.'

"Even though I wasn't making a big salary, I always saved ten percent of my messages."

Inserts

"I've run out of computer space. It's filled with fund-raising emails from politicians."

"Aside from the hours of DVR'ed shows you have yet to watch, what else keeps you together?"

"No one knows the 'meaning of life,' but the meaning of YOUR life?...That's right here on this flash drive."

"Why am I Sales Person of the Year? I already have a buyer for this tacky trophy!"