Paper Hoarder Gifts

"A paperless society is fine and all, but just in case, I have a couple reams of 24lb. bond stuffed in my mattress."

'Everybody needs candy. Everybody needs stationery. Everybody needs microcomputers.'

"I was drawing a whale, but I ran out of paper."

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

'And the cat is due back in 2 weeks.'

"Not that I have the time, but I enjoy reading."

Self-Help Books Families for Lockdown

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

"My Gmail account is full. I can't get any more email." "So?" "I'll miss email. It was so old-timey. You could write hundreds or even thousands of words, with actual paragraphs." "People didn't see any little animations to show them you were typing. They had to actually wonder if you were going to reply." "And the spam was fun. You never got to hear from Nigerian princes while you're checking your texts." "Just delete stuff." "If you delete a few gigs of old emails, you'll be able to get n

'We'll take two sets, for upstairs and downstairs.'

Desk trays: The Good - The Bad - The Ugly

The trap

Dictionary Sale - Now in High Definition.

"I'll need all the information you can find on why I need so much information."

"Boy, these are really overdue!"

"I let go of all my earthly attachments, but there's one I can't seem to shake."

Sign on a sale bin at a bookstore that reads "Latte-Damaged Books".

"When I opened my cupboards at home they were full of junk food, when I opened my mailbox it was full of junk mail. I'm always afraid to open my portfolio balance."

"I thought I'd be quids-in but I can't shift the bloody stuff."

Many certificates of achievement on the wall.

Young Geeks.

'The sagaman must have had a googol of inedita.'

"Hey, Lenny, can you spare a rubber band?"

'I made a backup disc. Then I realized I wanted a backup of the backup. Then I decided just to be safe, to make a backup of that backup...'

"Since time is an issue, I didn't have time to organize my receipts."

'These disks contain backups of all my financial records in 25 different software programs. . . I need to make a deposit to your computer.'

"Run! My laptop is so full of apps, downloads, old documents, screenshots and junk files, it's about to explode!"

'Oh good, it looks like the few things I ordered from the catalogue have arrived.'

music store

'Damn it! Wait your turn!'

"Hi honey, could you run by the bookstore on the way home? We're almost out of poetry."

"Harry Potter and the chamber of obsolete electronics."

"Mother, take your time, I know this isn’t easy for you. But this is an important moment in our lives, so I will ask you one more time, what on earth did you do with my old comic books?!"