Property Punter Pillows

"Remember the good ol' days when the house was earning more than the two of us?"

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'Honey, it's the escrow people. They want to know if you could send a stool sample.'

Mouse real estate!

An exaggeration of estate agents

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

"This one has nicer sand, but I think I prefer the tree on the last one we saw."

A Semicolon.

'This place is rather unusually located. Do you folks like sunsets?'

'A great location and only one step from the beach.'

House hunting is cruel.

"Well, it is a good property. The price is low because it is harder to negotiate due to its S-bend configuration."

"You've got termites."

"I told you we should have sold last winter."

'I think you'll all rest easy knowing this is a gated community!'

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

House for sale, appliances included (in the yard).

"The house is great, but compared to reality show realtors, you're a big disappointment."

'I need three estimates before I appoint an estate agent.' - 'Right, £120,000, £130,000 and £140,000.'

"For sale £470,000 house included"

'Bless. Wayne's made his first affordable home sand estate.'

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

'Don't worry about your daughter Sir: I'll find us a dump to live in...'

'Thank God I don't live in a Jimmy Choo!'

'My expedition confirmed what we already suspected: Two-thirds of the Earth's surface is covered by water, and the rest by real estate!'

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

"That's way out of my price range..."

'I checked the math, Dear, and Lady Godiva actually raises property values.'

'A new concept. The inside out house.'