Property Punter Pillows

"Remember the good ol' days when the house was earning more than the two of us?"

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

' I gather you wish to reassign your lease, Higgins.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'Honey, it's the escrow people. They want to know if you could send a stool sample.'

Twenty years later, Kim turns the tables on her loathsome former English teacher.

Mouse real estate!

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

An exaggeration of estate agents

"This one has nicer sand, but I think I prefer the tree on the last one we saw."

A Semicolon.

'A great location and only one step from the beach.'

'I see you've renamed your portfolios Moe, Larry and Curley.'

'This place is rather unusually located. Do you folks like sunsets?'

"Well, it is a good property. The price is low because it is harder to negotiate due to its S-bend configuration."

House hunting is cruel.

"You've got termites."

"I told you we should have sold last winter."

'I think you'll all rest easy knowing this is a gated community!'

"The house is great, but compared to reality show realtors, you're a big disappointment."

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

House for sale, appliances included (in the yard).

'Bless. Wayne's made his first affordable home sand estate.'

"For sale £470,000 house included"

'I need three estimates before I appoint an estate agent.' - 'Right, £120,000, £130,000 and £140,000.'

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

'Thank God I don't live in a Jimmy Choo!'

'Don't worry about your daughter Sir: I'll find us a dump to live in...'

'My expedition confirmed what we already suspected: Two-thirds of the Earth's surface is covered by water, and the rest by real estate!'

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

"When you pay the rent for your one-room studio, you mustn't think about what you can get for that amount back in Iowa."