Property Punster Gifts

'For Sale by Neighbor'

When real estate lawyers dabble in criminal law.

'I see this one is detached. Yes, the ones on either side fell down.'

"The house is great, but compared to reality show realtors, you're a big disappointment."

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

"I need a card that says 'Thanks for going through lots with me.' I'm a realtor!"

"I'm afraid all you can afford is an enormous dairy farm."

"It's all I could get."

'Sorry, no, but thanks for bringing a little laughter into my life.'

"So this is the new micro design, what scale is it?"

"Well, you asked for a penis extension."

"Jonah, I thought you might be interested in a double-wide."

For Sale! Washington DC Realty - 'Perfect for House Arrest'.

"There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have trouble with those in the back yard."

"Sorry, Bob. You can't refinance when you are upside-down on your home."

'I need three estimates before I appoint an estate agent.' - 'Right, £120,000, £130,000 and £140,000.'

'How do you like it as a whole. As a hole it's fine...as a house it's lousy.'

"I was I had a house like yours so I could do something nice with it."

'I checked the math, Dear, and Lady Godiva actually raises property values.'

'My mortgage is underwater.'

Estate Agents' Date

'It's an exclusive property sir. This is the only one with a price small enough to fit on the wall!'

Woman asks guests: Before you sit down, would you like the grand tour?'

I never asked you, what'd you do with that old shack you bought years ago? Which one? I've bought three. I have a whole portfolio of properties, Randy. Really? Yeah. There's the old shack by the toxic waste dump, there's the cardboard box in an alley in downtown Candorville, and there's that inner tube in the Pacific Ocean. Sad thing is, the way things are going, you're going to make a killing on those someday. You should see what I'm getting for those on AirBnB.

"The only thing available right now is a handyman's special starter condo on Tier 19 that's just been reduced to three hundred seventy-dive thou, plus maintenance."

'Iguana know what time it is.'

Yard Sale

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

Pet Cemetery.

We're putting on a subtraction.

Dog Walker

' I gather you wish to reassign your lease, Higgins.'

The Contrarian funds

Mouse real estate!

An exaggeration of estate agents