Construction Punster Gifts

We're putting on a subtraction.

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

Intelligent people laugh too!

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

Sweep the board.

Tree house.

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

Dogs life

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'