Property Program Skeptic Gifts

'TV program 'House Arrest' starts. Husband moans, 'Oh no! Not another property programme.''

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

'Honey, it's the escrow people. They want to know if you could send a stool sample.'

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

House hunting is cruel.

"I told you we should have sold last winter."

'I think you'll all rest easy knowing this is a gated community!'

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

'Thank God I don't live in a Jimmy Choo!'

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

'My expedition confirmed what we already suspected: Two-thirds of the Earth's surface is covered by water, and the rest by real estate!'

'Look, they're slowing down.'

Affordable housing

Real Estate Life

Real Estate Crispy Flakes: Location/Location/ Location

"When you pay the rent for your one-room studio, you mustn't think about what you can get for that amount back in Iowa."

'We finally got a response to our House For Sale sign. The wind blew it down.'

"Those days of being able to sell any old c**p have long gone!"

'It's got all the original features.'

'I came up here because the meaning of life is location, location, location.'

"I envy you. I'd love to have a house with a fireplace."

FSBO Heaven

The Movers Strip - Selling houses over the internet

The Bright Side

For Sale by Non-Owners.

'You, me, them...these days we're all someone's intellectual property.'

Sign reads - For Sale Still Under A Million.

'Of course, the base price doesn't include the many upgrades available.'

'...There's been a 20% rise in the length of time our house been on the market'

Ceiling collapse 'Don't worry, that's just settlement.'

Coming soon: Compulsory auction because of unpaid mortgage