Property Mogul Humorist Gifts

Trump Dump

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

“It's $195 million. Now, I know what you're thinking: 'OK, what's the catch?'”

"My path to success and fortune was that rather than foraging and storing my own food, I built a portfolio of storage properties to rent..."

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

Pest Control

'Well, the rent is a bit more expensive than usual because there are only 1 327 482 other tenants...'

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

I'm buying a house. You're broke. So? the interest rate plans are amazing. The banks are giving money away. Besides, the housing market is going nuts. If I buy today, I can sell next year for a huge profit. I suddenly feel faint. You look ill, Mr. Powell.

An exaggeration of estate agents

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

"Local authorities are always whining on about the cost of 'affordable' housing..."

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

Eye, ear, nose, throat & real estate investment trusts.

'They're playing house.'

"I've downsized."

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

"Efficiency tombs available"

Bank. Moving Co. Joe got an apartment above the bank. He moved his things in today. Now he can say his "assets are over ten million dollars"!

'I think you'll find it open and spacious!'

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

Strip Mine Estates - Mineral Rights? They're All Yours.

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."