Business Mogul Humor Gifts

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

Spot the difference.

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

Apart from your mother, who else thinks you're doing a good job as Chairman of the company?

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Any questions?"

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"I hate performance review season."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'