Business Mogul Humor Gifts

Jeff Bezosburg, D.C.

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

Spot the difference.

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

Apart from your mother, who else thinks you're doing a good job as Chairman of the company?

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"Any questions?"

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"I hate performance review season."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

Satya Nutella

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'