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'Problems finding good, affordable housing?'

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Man sees sign stating dog for sale, house and land thrown in.

"Dad! Dad! It's freezing out here! I wish we had a fireplace to get all cozy and roast marshmallows!"

"One day, my boy, all this will be retirement homes."

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

'You always bring me the same thing every year, toys games sports equipment. I never get what I really want!' - 'What's that?' - 'Real estate!'

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

Travellers with a developer: 'I see ski slopes.'

'I'm telling ya, it's a jungle out there.'

Real Estate Krisp Flakes: Location! Location! Location!

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

"Look, son, real estate."

"And it comes with a coin filter for when you vacuum under the cushions."

"This is Mr. Harrington, our mortgage nerd."

"I think we could be very happy here until we aren't."

'We'll convert it into flats and revitalise the area.'

Reverse Mortgage.

'Can we call a realtor now?!'

"It's a mixed-use facility: retail space, low-rent housing, luxury apartments, and an area set aside for making steel."

'I think this is deep enough for the foundations!'

"It's nice, but does it have a batcave?"

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

'Your mortgage is under water...so what's the problem?'

'I can count on one hand the number of contracts that I didn't finish on time.'

An exaggeration of estate agents

"I've just bought five acres of prime oceanfront. Want to help me build on it?"

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

"When we said we'd build 'affordable' homes we had a particular buyer in mind."

Home Sweet Second Home.

"Sold his air rights."

"I'm a pragmatist, Leon. Before I put a new product on the market, I ask myself, 'Will it sell?' "

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'