Prone To Accidents Appreciator Pillows

'Doctor, you must help me...I seem to be hopelessly accident prone...' (Patient somehow gets covered in doctors ink)

"I speak Latin, you know."

"Kiss, you idiot. Not hiss."

I need a raise. This is no time to joke. I've been on a buying binge at the iPhone app store and I can't pay my credit card. These apps are worth it. They're life-changing, they're

'Quick! Contact my doctor!'

'Not only the first wheel, the first road accident as well!'

Clown Airbags.

'I don't know anything about art and I don't know what I like.'

Deadpan Delivery.

"Joey ripped me off. Last week I showed him this ad for a 1964 Chevy Impala...and he went out and bought it."

'Yes,I did order an extra barrel,but for my shotgun.'

The World Will Overheat and End Next Week: Like, will it be on You Tube?

Quasimodo Drops a Clanger

'When I asked for a bottle of house red...'

"If only these kids had grown up with the same role models we had, then maybe they wouldn't look so damn ridiculous!"

"You might want to take this. It's your wife."

'I had a house for that price, but it sold in 1962.'

Ricochet

Hippie with a ban the bomb medallion, Rich man with a Mercedes medallion

"I don't jump on the countertops to annoy you. That's just a nice bonus."

This episode would be known as 'The sink of doom!'

"This idea of offering staff flexible working options is genius, we should have done it years ago!"

"Vocabulary lesson. Billy Corey taught me the meaning of the word trouble."

Roller blader with bandaged head

"Did you make all these 911 calls?"

Ace Bolts, Inc: 'Diversify, yes, but let's do so with caution...'

'I may not know much about art, but I do know what I like. Have you heard me purr yet?'

"We better be nice to young people. After all, they donate to our soup kitchen."

'Has this one got cavity walls?' 'Only since the rats moved in.'

Servant who has broken her mistress' new milk jug

Perspective Repair

'Unfortunately sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel isn't all it at first seems...''

"If you do business with people who encase people in concrete, you run the risk of being encased in concrete."

'Let's do something in bad taste.'

A very tall man walks towards a lifeguard's chair