Promotional Item Collector T-Shirts

"Cheap merch will only hold them for so long."

'These are job perks.'

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

"Wilson, I built this company from scratch!"

'Congratulations, Yomp - we're giving you a bigger carrot!'

"Thanks—I got it off Amazon."

'I don't think I've ever heard of the Geezer Scouts or Geezer Scout cookies.'

'We can't cut entitlements for federal employees. We're federal employees.'

Beatlemania: Open 24/8

'These new metal detectors are great!'

Who'd have guessed that the season's mast have item would be big springy shoes.

"Have somebody get rid of that!"

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

'Ted, I think we need to re-evaluate your carrot.'

The Magic Float

Replica Football Merchandise

Spontaneous Combustion Man - Open with care

Keep Calm and Cover Your Ass

"I just got a Trump alert with my discount code off my next purchase of Trump baseball caps."

"Interestingly no - these are vastly enlarged images of my three favourite chromosomes."

Think Big: 'It's too small!'

'Are you admiring my embroidery, dear? To fully appreciate it you need these...'

"I was expecting a bigger crowd."

Sports Memorabilia. It's not an autograph. It's a drawing scribbled by Mickey Mantle. A Yankee doodle!

'The company had a good quarter, so we've decided to give you that company vehicle you've been wanting.'

"I'm a hunter-gatherer-hoarder."

Today is the first day of the rest of your life, unless you know something we don't.

Dog with toilet drink hat.

Swiss Army General.

I heard oil companies just discovered huge reservoirs of oil way under the ground, all around our town. But they can't get at it because President Obama declared the whole region a national monument before he left. Why would he do that? Doesn't he know we use oil to make plastic, and that my Playstation is totally made of plastic? What happens of I ever need to buy a fourth Playstation 4? He's endangering my supply just to save a bunch of trees and mountains and waterfalls and endangered bearico

"Hold yer fire! It's just a t-shirt cannon!"

May I have your frequent flier points and corporate parking space, sir?

"We offer video games, snacks, t-shirts, coffee mugs, beer and wine. Oh, and we also we have a movie."

Cards for All Occasions. Wedding. Get Well. Grads. Congrats. Friendship. Birthday. One "graduation" and one "condolences" … He's afraid of the real world.

"It's a belly button ring with a coaster to hold your beer!"