Decorative Collector T-Shirts

"Interestingly no - these are vastly enlarged images of my three favourite chromosomes."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Use your imagination.

Emergency Hipster Beard

Stuff: You Don't Really Need But Still Don't Have.

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

Dynasties - Ping, Ching, Ming.

"He's an abstract artist."

Art Gallery.

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

"Good, clean art from the Molly Murphy Collection"

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

"I read 'Art News.'"

"He begged his wife and kids to join him in Tahiti, but he didn't mean a word of it, the bastard."

"What's most exciting about NFTs is the opportunity for dynamic new content."

Posh Easter Egg

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."

'...The good news is the Guggenheim has offered $2,500,000 for our chart.'

'It's like a piece of music, like Mozart or Beethoven.'

'I'm very proud of my El Gecko.'

"It's a forgery―and a recent one, too."

"You like it? It’s from the MoMA Store!"

17th Century Anonymous Dutch Paintings Museum: Formerly 'Rembrandt Museum'.

'I've had that sign on the desk for 30 years, waiting for the bucks to roll in, but I'm as broke as ever.'

Monet in the '90s.

"I like his style. He makes it look like an accident."

Portrait sweating above a fireplace