Decorative Collector T-Shirts

"Interestingly no - these are vastly enlarged images of my three favourite chromosomes."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

Use your imagination.

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Emergency Hipster Beard

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

Dynasties - Ping, Ching, Ming.

Stuff: You Don't Really Need But Still Don't Have.

Art Gallery.

Museum. Hours. You're donating your collection of pre-Columbian art? Yes! What's Mayan is yours!

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

"He's an abstract artist."

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

"I read 'Art News.'"

Tommy, Math quiz. It's one of his earliest pieces.

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

"What's most exciting about NFTs is the opportunity for dynamic new content."

"He begged his wife and kids to join him in Tahiti, but he didn't mean a word of it, the bastard."

"Good, clean art from the Molly Murphy Collection"

Posh Easter Egg

'...The good news is the Guggenheim has offered $2,500,000 for our chart.'

'I'm very proud of my El Gecko.'

'It's like a piece of music, like Mozart or Beethoven.'

'I've had that sign on the desk for 30 years, waiting for the bucks to roll in, but I'm as broke as ever.'

"You like it? It’s from the MoMA Store!"

17th Century Anonymous Dutch Paintings Museum: Formerly 'Rembrandt Museum'.

"It's a forgery―and a recent one, too."

Monet in the '90s.

"I like his style. He makes it look like an accident."