Decorative Cushion Collector T-Shirts

Spent it all on decorator pillows.

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

"This new chair has the smoothest 360 swivel action on the market!"

Emergency Hipster Beard

Stuff: You Don't Really Need But Still Don't Have.

"If it's got my ass on it, it's befitting of royalty."

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

'Less spare change under the cushion is my leading economic indicator!'

"This one seems perfect, but do you have it in red?"

The Milbrook Verney chair in literature. The C.K. Frebish endowment for footnotes.

'Let's face it, we're not meant to wear hats...'

"I've only just started practicing. I'm hoping the proceeds from these first few sessions will pay for a couch."

"Interestingly no - these are vastly enlarged images of my three favourite chromosomes."

Alien with flying spaceships on wall instead of flying ducks

'Ignore him, he's just angry because you're eating out of his bowl.'

'Are you admiring my embroidery, dear? To fully appreciate it you need these...'

'Plus, you get to keep any change you happen to find under the cushions.'

"You stand accused of multiple thefts of winter bedding. How do you plead?"

False alarm; chair salesman

'...However Algae production is still in its infancy...'

'There's only one chair. It's about to get ugly ladies.'

'I told you the next time you crossed me it would be curtains for you!'

'I tell you what, it's much more comfortable with a cushion...'

"Don't worry, it's her birthday present."

Well, someone's gotta tell him he's adopted.

'Was that real purring?'

'But, Mr. Gordon, the company didn't buy this chair. I brought it from home.'

"A few more decorative pillow and I won't have to make the bed."

Antique Scrimshaw: We floss daily.

'Erik hosts excellent dinner parties.'

The Job Interview

"Waiter, I need a soup knife please."